TGIF, Not.

There’s the strangest tradition in America. No, it’s not the Horn of Plenty (not what it sounds like foreign people*). It’s a day called Black Friday. A day where thousands of people line up for hours, pre dawn, did you read that, PRE dawn; there you read it now, to shop for bargains.

You would assume this is a poor thing. Street people who simply must have a Flat-screen TV for $20 because that’s the only way they’ll ever be able afford one for their trolley. (I wouldn’t usually mock street people but I got screamed at by one recently for only giving him a couple of dollars rather than the $10 he requested, so I can have a small dig.) But no it’s everyone. Black, white, old, young, Jew, Muslim, rich (well not really the rich but defiantly the middle class and ex Lehman Brothers CEOs) poor, fat, thin. All lined up in cosmic harmony, that is, until the doors open. Then people are literally willing to kill to get their hands on a small, fluffy, electronic hamster toy called a Zhu Zhu, that’ll be broken the day after Xmas.

Now perhaps I’m being cynical. Me? Really? We can after all afford to go into dept to buy our daughter an American Girl for Christmas. But waiting 5 hours in line to save $20 is utterly straightjacket, Jack Nicholson in his nest, cuckoo.

There are true bargains to be had. About 6. Beyond that you are shopping for things you don’t want, don’t need, are never going to use and are only $5 less than the original asking price. But by God you’re going to have them, because you’ve developed deep vein thrombosis from 6 hours in line and you want something to show for it.

The only way I can come to terms with Black Friday is my theory that this is not in fact “shopping” this is “sport.” The strongest, quickest, best strategies win the prize. And everyone else is obviously Darwin’s strongest proof. It’s this challenge that draws thousands, the marathon of shopping. Black Friday should be renamed World Series Shopping and ESPN should cover it with Imelda Marcus commenting. Now that would be worth tuning into. Until then I shall spend Black Friday, as I did this year, at home in my PJ’s shopping online.

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horn_of_Plenty